Offensive

To the tune of "Funiculi, funicula"

Last night, I laid in bed and masturbated
It felt so good, I knew it would
Last night, I laid in bed and masturbated
It felt so nice, I did it twice
Ohhhhh would you like to see me on my short stroke
It felt so grand, I used my hand
Ohhhhh would you like to see me on my long stroke
It felt so neat, I used my feet
Smash it bash it bang it on the floor
Wrap it ’round the bedpost and fling it out the door
Some people think that sexual intercourse is something really graaaaaaaaand
Me, I’d rather sit at home and work one out by hand