My Boyfriend is a Vegetable

Leader: My boyfriend is a vegetable.
Crowd: My boyfriend is a vegetable.
Leader: I met him at the grocery store.
Crowd: I met him at the grocery store.

Chorus
Leader: Oh, I’d use most anything.
Crowd: Oh, I’d use most anything.
Leader: To have a good time.
Crowd: To have a good time.

Verses:

I know that it might sound wrong.
But a cucumber is so firm and long.

A potato has fine brown eyes.
And never gives me UTIs.

An ear of corn feels like a dream.
‘Specially when it’s lubed with cream.

A tomato squirts out juicy seeds.
But there’s no risk of pregnancy.

I stuff myself with brussel sprouts.
It’s a bitch to fish them out.

A broccoli bush will always please.
When it’s slathered up with cheese.

Lettuce, fifty cents a head.
Makes a lovely tossed salad.

A cabbage picked fresh from the patch
Just barely fits up in my snatch.

A celery stalk is fun to wack.
And later makes a low-cal snack.

Ghost peppers are super hot.
When they’re up inside my twat.

Carrots packed with carotene
Make awesome substitutes for peen.

The Cat Song

She’s got the best tongue-work that I’ve ever seen,
She licks both my balls till they’re shiny and clean,
And her pink little pussy’s as tight as can be,
I know it’s the cat but it feels like a woman to me!

If you don’t like this down down song

If you don’t like this down down song,
Then lick my clit.

If you don’t like this down down song,
Then lick my clit.

If you don’t like this down down song,
Then lick my clit all night long.

Go down down down down down down down down down down down

Tinkle Tinkle Golden Shower

Tinkle tinkle golden shower,
All the virgins I deflower.
Underneath my golden spray,
They’ll do anything I say.
Tinkle tinkle golden shower,
Now my clit you must devour,
Go down down down down.

I’ve Only Half a Brain

I could while away the hours,
Searchin’ hills for flour
Across a wide terrain.
I’d be chipper, and I’d be cheerful,
If my stomach had a beerful,
‘Cause I’ve only half a brain.

With my arms and legs akimbo,
I’ll be chasing after bimbos,
Through mud thorns and rain.
I’ll be making lots of passes,
As I fondle all their asses,
‘Cause I’ve only half a brain.

CHORUS:
I’ll do down-downs till the keg begins to spit,
Then I’ll fire one up and take a little hit.
I’ll impress the women with my charming wit,
As I shout out, “Show us your tits!”

Then my beer I will be sharing,
With them as their breast they’re baring.
Our urges unrestrained,
Oh, our language will be rude as.
We exchange bod-i-ly fluids,
‘Cause we’ve only half a brain.