Oh, mister fisherman, home from sea,
Have you got a lobster big enough for me?
Singing ai-tiddly-ai, shit or bust,
Never let your ballocks dangle in the dust.
Yes sir, yes sir, I have two,
And the biggest bloody bastard I will sell to you.
I took the lobster home, but I couldn’t find a dish,
So I put it in the place where the missus goes to piss.
In the middle of the night, as you may know,
The missus got up, to let the water flow.
Well, first there came a groan, and then there came a grunt,
And just like Donald Trump, it grabbed her by the cunt.
The missus grabbed the poker, I grabbed the broom,
And we chased the bloody bastard round and round the room!
I hit it on the head, I hit it on the side,
I hit it in the balls, till the bloody bastard died.
There’s a moral to this story, and the moral is this,
Always have a look before you take a piss.
That’s the end of my story, there isn’t any more,
There’s an apple up my ass, and you can eat the core!