Offensive

Can also be sung as “The S&M Girl” for those so inclined

Who can take a bicycle (who can take a bicycle)
Tear off the leather seat (tear off the leather seat)
Impale a virgin on it and push her down a bumpy street?

Chorus: The S&M Man, the S&M Man
The S&M Man can ’cause he mixes it with love,
And makes the hurt feel good (makes the hurt feel good)

Alternate chorus (sing after every five or six verses): The S&M Man, the S&M Man
He’s the one who hurt your mother
Sodomized and raped your brother
There can never be another (doo-di-doo, doo-di-doo)

Who can take a dildo
Ram it up your rear
Fuck you all night long
Until the shit comes out your ears?
(chorus)
Who can take a chainsaw
Rev it up real high
Shove it up your ass
Just to hear you scream and sigh?
(chorus)
Who can take some sandpaper
With some very nasty grit
Rub it back and forth
Until you have a bleeding clit?
(chorus)
Who can take a sander
Made by Black and Decker
Rub it up and down
Until you’ve got a bloody pecker?
(chorus)
Who can take a chainsaw
Cut the bitch in two
Fuck the bottom half
And toss the other half to you?
(chorus)
Who can take Grandpa
Pump him full of ‘ludes
Drop him in a gay bar
With a bunch of horny dudes?
(chorus)
Who can take Grandma
Throw her on the lawn
Fuck her up the rear
While Grandpa cheers him on?
(chorus)
Who can take a candle
Melt it on your skin
Watch it blister up
Then stick it with a pin?
(chorus)
Who can take a tire iron
Stick up your hole
Screw a jack way up your ass
Until you rock ‘n roll?
(chorus)
Who can find some newlyweds
Sneak into their room
Fuck the bride in bed
And then sodomize the groom?
(chorus)
Who can take a little girl
Before she’s on the rag
Fuck her till she’s dead
And then toss her in a bag?
(chorus)
Who can take a pussy
Suck out all the yeast
Spit it in some dough
And bake up a tasty feast?
(chorus)
Who can take two ice picks
Stick one in each ear
Ride you like a Harley
While he fucks you up the rear?
(chorus)
Who can take a light bulb
Shove it up your ass
Fuck you up the rear
Until you’re shitting chunks of glass?
(chorus)
Who can shave a pussy
Without the shaving cream
Slap some on some Aqua Velva
Just to hear her yell and scream?
(chorus)
Who can take a glass rod
Shove it up his prick
Lay it on the table
And smash it with a brick?
(chorus)
Who can take a cheese grater
Strap it to his arm
Rub it back and forth
‘Til he makes pussy parmesian?
(chorus)
Who wears pants with zippers
With no underwear
Then pulls it up and down
Until he has no pubic hair?
(chorus)
Who can take a pregnant woman
Fuck her til she’s dead
Fuck her even harder
Til the fetus gives him head?
(chorus)
Who can take a baby
Lay it on a bed
Turn the bugger over
And fuck the soft spot in its head?
(chorus)
Who can go to an abortion clinic
Sneak around the back
Rummage through the dumpster
‘Til he finds a tasty snack?
(chorus)
Who can go to an abortion clinic
Forget about the back
Run right through the front door
And suck a fresh one from her crack?
(chorus)
Who can take your scrotum
Stick it with a pin
Hang on a bunch of weights
Until it drags down to your shins?
(chorus)
Who can take just two bricks
Take one in each hand
Bang them on his balls
Like the cymbals in the band?
(chorus)
Who can drive an ambulance
To a totalled Cadillac
Fuck the injured woman
And her daughters in the back?
(chorus)
Who can take some jumper cables
Attach one to each tit
Connect them to a Mack truck
‘Til she has orgasmic fits?
(chorus)
Who rubs down with honey
Just to have a chance
To lay out on the lawn
And be a picnic for fire ants?
(chorus)
Who can shave his body
Pubic parts and all
Swim around all day
In a pool of alcohol?
(chorus)
Who ties down his sweetie
Every single day
Covers her with rats
And lets the kitties in to play?
(chorus)
Who can take some shackles
Chain you to the walls
Fill a glass with sperm
By lancing both your balls?
(chorus)
Back to top
SWING LOW
Hand gestures are required, but they can’t be reproduced here.
Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home

I looked over Jordan (swish!)
And what did I see (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
A band of angels
Coming after me
Coming for to carry me home

If you get there before I SHIT (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home
Tell all my friends
I’m coming too (huh!)
Coming for to carry me home

Repeat with humming, Scooby Doo, double-time with tongues out