Inspired by "My Girlfriend is a Vegetable"
Leader: My boyfriend is a vegetable.
Crowd: My boyfriend is a vegetable.
Leader: I met him at the grocery store.
Crowd: I met him at the grocery store.
Chorus
Leader: Oh, I’d use most anything.
Crowd: Oh, I’d use most anything.
Leader: To have a good time.
Crowd: To have a good time.
Verses:
I know that it might sound wrong.
But a cucumber is so firm and long.
A potato has fine brown eyes.
And never gives me UTIs.
An ear of corn feels like a dream.
‘Specially when it’s lubed with cream.
A tomato squirts out juicy seeds.
But there’s no risk of pregnancy.
I stuff myself with brussel sprouts.
It’s a bitch to fish them out.
A broccoli bush will always please.
When it’s slathered up with cheese.
Lettuce, fifty cents a head.
Makes a lovely tossed salad.
A cabbage picked fresh from the patch
Just barely fits up in my snatch.
A celery stalk is fun to wack.
And later makes a low-cal snack.
Ghost peppers are super hot.
When they’re up inside my twat.
Carrots packed with carotene
Make awesome substitutes for peen.
