To the tune of 'Westering Home'
There’s a pest in my home, that’s the bane of my life
He leaves UP the toilet seat night after night
Next week I am going to give him a fright
The seat will be up when he gets there!
There’s nothing worse than to live with a pest
Gets on my nerves until I need a rest
Even in bed, he’s annoying at best,
And that’s the sad bit of my story.
I’m cooking and cleaning long hours every day
And washing his shirts till the grey’s gone away.
When the gra-ass needs cutting I know he will say Goodbye I am off to the Golf Club!
I hold down a job, drive the kids near and far
While he has a drink with his friends in the bar.
And then he complains that I don’t wash the car, I really don’t know how I stand it!
You may be asking what happens in bed
Not half enough is what most ladies said!
Most of the time he is snoring instead,
I think something’s got at his hormones!
Unless I’ve a headache and just cannot shake it
When sex is on offer I always will take it,
But he goes so fast that I sometimes fake it
Where are the classes in foreplay?
Oh a pest in the house, when he sits by the fire
Cutting his toenails just kills all desire
And so does the belly he calls his spare tyre.
Next week I am getting a lodger.